A Suicide Note a 15-Year Old Girl Dropped for Her Mother

Stories on Depression: A Suicide Note a 15-Year Old Girl Dropped for Her Mother

Editor’s note: If you experience suicidal thoughts, the following post could be potentially triggering. You can contact Mental Health Uganda at 0778 035 128 or 0701 748 185 or Call your closest friend, family member or search for Rehab centres in Uganda and get yourself admitted.

“Dear Mum,

It’s with a heavy heart that I write you this note, knowing the amount of pain it is going to cause you.

Mum, I want you to know that I love you dearly and will ever love you. If I am given the opportunity to live again I will still choose you as my mum and our family will still be my place of birth.

But unfortunately, I know that there is not going to be any such opportunity.

Mum, I didn’t want to do this, but I was compelled by circumstances beyond my control to take the plunge.

I tried my best to pull through, but my best was not good enough. I battled alone for about thirteen months now until my strength failed me.

You and dad could not decipher what I was going through and maybe I should not blame you for that.

My one and only brother came very close to understanding what I was passing through but it was too much for his young mind to comprehend.

Mum, I know that you and dad loved me and did everything you could to prove that to me but I was not feeling loved.

You provided for me more than I even wanted, took me to places that most of my mates have not even heard of, yet despite all these my heart was longing for love.

I needed someone who would love me for who I was. I needed someone who could reach to the depth of my soul and feel the vacuum there.

The material provisions you spoiled me with could not do that. And I was alone all the while, despite the fact that we laughed together and had gist as a family.

Then came the last straw that broke the camel’s back.

Your brother, Uncle Tony who came to live with us, made me to believe that he knew exactly what my soul was longing for – companionship.

He chose to stay with me when you and dad were too busy to notice my loneliness.

He tried to keep me company when I needed someone to talk to but had only gadgets and teddy bears as my company. I was fooled to trust him and he hacked into my foolishness. And he did it perfectly and deeply.

Mum, your brother raped me and used me as sex toy for three whole years. I expected you or dad to notice but none of you did.

When he left our house last year I was shattered because I have grown to fill the void of your presence with his dirty deeds. I couldn’t complain because I was afraid to lose him, but when he eventually left for Canada the magnitude of the emptiness in me became too heavy for me to carry.

I struggled to forget those experiences but I could not. My grades dropped in school and you and dad quickly arranged for a home lesson teacher.

Mum, that singular act instead of helping me fueled what is about to happen to me a few minutes from now.

The home lesson teacher you brought so much reminded me of Uncle Tony and, on several occasions, I felt like grabbing him and making him to fill the gap that Tony’s absence created in me.

Mum, I had to do this because I was lonely. Did you ever imagine what I was doing in my room all the time I stayed there alone? Couldn’t you for once have gone out of your way to just spend some time with me so that we could talk?

There are many things I would have liked to tell you but I don’t want to add to your pain so let those other torments be buried with this undignified body of mine.

Please make sure that my brother David doesn’t get to the point where I am now.

Also, tell your friends and colleagues who have children to find out what is happening with their beloved kids before it gets too late.

Many of the things parents do in the name of showing love are not what we the younger ones need.

I would have gone, long hours before you will get to read this note.

But one cheering thing is that David is still there with you. Transfer the love you had for me to him.

My bank details and the passwords to my phones and laptops are all in the piece of paper I dropped in the drawer of your dressing table.

I miss you and it pains to empty the content of this bottle in my hand into my mouth but I am constrained to do it all the same.

Tell dad and David that I love them. Tell our pastor that I will miss his sermons and long prayers. Tell my friends not to envy me.

Goodbye Mum.”


That was the suicide note a 15-year old girl dropped for her mother before taking her life as reported by zambianobserver.com.

Suicide is a tragic reaction to stressful life situations and all the more tragic because suicide can be prevented. Whether you’re considering suicide or know someone who feels suicidal, learn suicide warning signs and how to reach out for immediate help and professional treatment. You may save a life, your own or someone else’s.

It may seem like there’s no way to solve your problems and that suicide is the only way to end the pain. But you can take steps to stay safe and start enjoying your life again. Learn more here: https://www.hiretheyouth.org/signs-of-suicide/

For immediate help

If you think you may attempt suicide, get help now:

  • Call 0778 035 128 or 0701 748 185 immediately.

Every Friday, we share and talk about depression among young people! Share your story with us via share@hiretheyouth.org

Depression

19 thoughts on “Stories on Depression: A Suicide Note a 15-Year Old Girl Dropped for Her Mother

  1. Siena alvarez on Reply

    I have had anxiety deporession and my therapist thinks I am by polar but it’s too early to see I have struggles with all of these since the third grade and I am now in the seventh I think about suicide every day. I have gone to multiple therapists I’ve gone to a mental hospital tried different medicines and everything you can think of but I can’t seem to recover I have experienced things nose thirteen year olds haven’t and I just want everything to stop and just go away I feel like I have nothing left and that the world can live without me . I know no one is going to see this and there is no point in writing this but if anyone does see this please feel free to email me and give me your feed back .

    1. Africa on Reply

      Hey Siena. My name is Africa. I would like to talk to you about what you just wrote. Maybe we can help each other. Lets give it a try.

      Here ia my number for Whatsapp (+27) 63 234 5367

    2. anonymous on Reply

      just stay around, imagine college, high school, life and living itself. we all want to experience these things, but want to perish to avoid the pain that might fall into our paths on the way. Pain is awful, and our brains often times jump to conclusions, but, at least let yourself experience the good first. I’m so sorry your path has started out and only offered pain so far. There will be good in your life. This world will offer peace and love. There is so very much you haven’t gotten to enjoy yet. live.

      1. Hiiiii on Reply

        Hi my I have been thinking about suicide for a while and I think I’m just gonna go ahead with it I feel sad but all my pain will be gone soon finally

    3. phoebe on Reply

      Hey, Siena. I know its hard, but today’s clouds is so pretty. Today’s lunch will be sooo good, you’ll have a full stomach and happy mind. today’s night will be cold, but you’ll be wrapped up in your soft blanket, listening to music and feeling so comfortable. And today is a good day because you’re here… Its hard, but please trust me it gets better. You are so strong and you’re doing really well right now. Lets hold on a little longer, yeah? im cheering on you, love. i hope you’ll never get hurt ever again and find your happiness soon. ❤️

      1. Anonymous on Reply

        Sometimes I think it’s in my genes or I’m crazy …I crave death..I crave escape…I’m cursed or crazy or just not good enough…I’ve been suicidal for as long as I can remember and I had planned to kill myself on my birthday this year but my mum just had to spoil my plans and decide to throw me a sweet sixteen party I didn’t ask for I mean what’s special about being 16 when you broken…when you dead inside when everyone who comes into your life just comes to break you even more …I’m the girl with the old soul …the black sheep in my family…never good enough for any friendship or relationship …getting good grades is the only thing I’m abit good at …I mean what’s the point of getting good grades when your only plan for the future is death …I’m broken, lonely and don’t see the whole point of my existence so I totally relate to the writer of this letter

    4. Poola on Reply

      I feel truely sorry you feel this way. I really felt the part of why even post it, not like anyone cares. I myself don’t talk much because utterly what I have to say means nothing and l can only hope that death will bring peace to the burning hole in my heart that makes me feel so insignificant

  2. Africa on Reply

    Hey Siena. My name is Africa. I would like to talk to you about what you just wrote. Maybe we can help each other. Lets give it a try.

    Here ia my number for Whatsapp (+27) 63 234 5367

  3. Cassandra Jarrett on Reply

    It can be oddly relatable, this note. She felt there was no fixing, each turn resulted into a dead end, at the very least a less than ideal existence, each turn she could have made had an ending that would in some manner, in some time, put her back into the same mind she was in and would be yet again writing a letter mourning the loss of her hope, realizing yet again that each turn would not lead her to the answer she tried to imagine could be there. Leaving life was like choosing to not prolong the enimant result. If there would be any simple analogy she could of said it’s similar to a dying patient to choose a do not resuscitate route, a choice not to prolong suffering, because once resuscitated, she will wake and still be burdened by the disease which is all more powerful than the human body and mind.

    1. Anonymous 2 on Reply

      HEY I AM “GOD”…..AND ONLY IAM COMMENTING HERE BECAUSE….I NEED TO REMAINED YOU THAT THIS IS TO EARLY FOR YOU TO…MEET ME………….

      BTW I KNOW IAM THE ONLY CAUSE BECAUSE OF WHICH YOU ARE….TAKING THIS STEP…

      BUT I WANT TO YOU TO JUST..JUST..’FOR MY SAKE’…..TALK TO MY…. ASSISTANT….WHO IS DOWN THERE ON EARTH…..BATTLING HIS OWN LIFE CHALLENGES WITH 7.05 billion others….

      ……..
      ……..
      Hey bro/sis I know that I stand no where to say you that i understand your…. situation…..or something like that….in fact I don’t even know what you are going through…..

      But at least…if you have already made your mind for this ….
      Please contact me maybe maybe we can help each other……

      This is my contact….you can email…me..
      gamezz4lifee@gmail.com

  4. Diana Sheryl Lim on Reply

    Hi Siena ,
    Hope you doing fine.
    I’m Diana , and I read your comment . I want to say that I too feel the same and I’m fighting it too. Just know that you’re stronger than you think you are and stay strong 💪. I know you can get through this and soon you’ll find yourself with peace in mind and happiness in your heart ❤️ . 🤗🥰
    I trust in you. God bless.
    Regards and lots of love.
    Diana

  5. Lisa on Reply

    I somehow know that I don’t have depression, but… everytime I sit to think, I can only think that… everyone is better off without me. My life has been perfect till date, so I don’t get to complain however.

  6. Michael Robert on Reply

    Can anyone help me as well, am having the mind of taking my life because nothing is working for me anymore.
    Lost my job, lost everything around me… Gat no were to go to. Can’t feed anymore, don’t have who to emy own, every day I wake up with the thoughts of ending this whole pain once and for all. What is life when you have no body?

  7. Michael Lopez on Reply

    Hi, my name is Mayah and I am constantly thinking about suicide. I’m currently in Year 8 (Seventh grade)
    Well I would be if I don’t end my life this week, it sounds silly really, but I have been battling since 11 years old and my mum and dad doesn’t seem to care, I’ve tried speaking to them on my occasions, however I’m simply shot down.
    I’m tired of feeling like this, like I’m stuck in a state of pain and madness, like I can’t get out of my head, as if I was robot.
    It’s getting harder to get out of bed, I have to basically make myself feel bad so I get out, look presentable and plaster that sickingly sweet smile on my face.
    I’ve tried speaking to my aunts, but my mother has said that, it isn’t their business, why can’t I be like my other siblings, why can’t I be ‘normal’.
    Well I’m sorry, but I’m tremendously tired. Tired of not feeling worth it and tired of being compared.
    I know they love playing it off as a ‘joke’, but some things have been really snarky and just plain terrible.
    My mum says we have no rights, that we belong to her, and if we don’t listen, we get beaten.

    1. Muhammad Idrees on Reply

      Dear Michael Lopez,

      all this is happening to you because you have injury on right hand but you are putting bandage on left hand.

      human is made up of two things. Soul and Body.

      Body is made up on the things which are on earth and its needs are fulfilled from the things which are on earth, like food, clothes, oxygen etc.

      Soul is from skies(heaven or whatever you name it) and its needs can only be fulfilled by the things came from skies, i.e. the religion.

      you problem is related to your soul and you are looking for the solution in the worldly things.

      i recommend for you to read the last book of God, i.e. Quraan. God says in Quraan, “remember that the peace,happiness of heart is in the remembrance of God”. such kind of alot of things you would know if you read this book. start reading it and eventually you will feel the huge change inside you.

      you can reach to me at idrees.Muhammad@hotmail.com for any query.
      Thanks.

  8. Layla on Reply

    I’ve been in a extremely dark place for years now. I was raped in middle school and never told my mum about it, she doesn’t care for me much. I got bullied at school and at home. My mum and her boyfriend used to attack me 🙁 Being lonely and not having friends who don’t understand you sucks. I want to commit suicide but I have to live for my younger siblings.

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