A Suicide Note a 15-Year Old Girl Dropped for Her Mother

Stories on Depression: A Suicide Note a 15-Year Old Girl Dropped for Her Mother

Editor’s note: If you experience suicidal thoughts, the following post could be potentially triggering. You can contact Mental Health Uganda at 0778 035 128 or 0701 748 185 or Call your closest friend, family member or search for Rehab centres in Uganda and get yourself admitted.

“Dear Mum,

It’s with a heavy heart that I write you this note, knowing the amount of pain it is going to cause you.

Mum, I want you to know that I love you dearly and will ever love you. If I am given the opportunity to live again I will still choose you as my mum and our family will still be my place of birth.

But unfortunately, I know that there is not going to be any such opportunity.

Mum, I didn’t want to do this, but I was compelled by circumstances beyond my control to take the plunge.

I tried my best to pull through, but my best was not good enough. I battled alone for about thirteen months now until my strength failed me.

You and dad could not decipher what I was going through and maybe I should not blame you for that.

My one and only brother came very close to understanding what I was passing through but it was too much for his young mind to comprehend.

Mum, I know that you and dad loved me and did everything you could to prove that to me but I was not feeling loved.

You provided for me more than I even wanted, took me to places that most of my mates have not even heard of, yet despite all these my heart was longing for love.

I needed someone who would love me for who I was. I needed someone who could reach to the depth of my soul and feel the vacuum there.

The material provisions you spoiled me with could not do that. And I was alone all the while, despite the fact that we laughed together and had gist as a family.

Then came the last straw that broke the camel’s back.

Your brother, Uncle Tony who came to live with us, made me to believe that he knew exactly what my soul was longing for – companionship.

He chose to stay with me when you and dad were too busy to notice my loneliness.

He tried to keep me company when I needed someone to talk to but had only gadgets and teddy bears as my company. I was fooled to trust him and he hacked into my foolishness. And he did it perfectly and deeply.

Mum, your brother raped me and used me as sex toy for three whole years. I expected you or dad to notice but none of you did.

When he left our house last year I was shattered because I have grown to fill the void of your presence with his dirty deeds. I couldn’t complain because I was afraid to lose him, but when he eventually left for Canada the magnitude of the emptiness in me became too heavy for me to carry.

I struggled to forget those experiences but I could not. My grades dropped in school and you and dad quickly arranged for a home lesson teacher.

Mum, that singular act instead of helping me fueled what is about to happen to me a few minutes from now.

The home lesson teacher you brought so much reminded me of Uncle Tony and, on several occasions, I felt like grabbing him and making him to fill the gap that Tony’s absence created in me.

Mum, I had to do this because I was lonely. Did you ever imagine what I was doing in my room all the time I stayed there alone? Couldn’t you for once have gone out of your way to just spend some time with me so that we could talk?

There are many things I would have liked to tell you but I don’t want to add to your pain so let those other torments be buried with this undignified body of mine.

Please make sure that my brother David doesn’t get to the point where I am now.

Also, tell your friends and colleagues who have children to find out what is happening with their beloved kids before it gets too late.

Many of the things parents do in the name of showing love are not what we the younger ones need.

I would have gone, long hours before you will get to read this note.

But one cheering thing is that David is still there with you. Transfer the love you had for me to him.

My bank details and the passwords to my phones and laptops are all in the piece of paper I dropped in the drawer of your dressing table.

I miss you and it pains to empty the content of this bottle in my hand into my mouth but I am constrained to do it all the same.

Tell dad and David that I love them. Tell our pastor that I will miss his sermons and long prayers. Tell my friends not to envy me.

Goodbye Mum.”

That was the suicide note a 15-year old girl dropped for her mother before taking her life as reported by zambianobserver.com.

Suicide is a tragic reaction to stressful life situations and all the more tragic because suicide can be prevented. Whether you’re considering suicide or know someone who feels suicidal, learn suicide warning signs and how to reach out for immediate help and professional treatment. You may save a life, your own or someone else’s.

It may seem like there’s no way to solve your problems and that suicide is the only way to end the pain. But you can take steps to stay safe and start enjoying your life again. Learn more here: https://www.hiretheyouth.org/signs-of-suicide/

For immediate help

If you think you may attempt suicide, get help now:

  • Call 0778 035 128 or 0701 748 185 immediately.

Every Friday, we share and talk about depression among young people! Share your story with us via share@hiretheyouth.org


4 thoughts on “Stories on Depression: A Suicide Note a 15-Year Old Girl Dropped for Her Mother

  1. Siena alvarez on Reply

    I have had anxiety deporession and my therapist thinks I am by polar but it’s too early to see I have struggles with all of these since the third grade and I am now in the seventh I think about suicide every day. I have gone to multiple therapists I’ve gone to a mental hospital tried different medicines and everything you can think of but I can’t seem to recover I have experienced things nose thirteen year olds haven’t and I just want everything to stop and just go away I feel like I have nothing left and that the world can live without me . I know no one is going to see this and there is no point in writing this but if anyone does see this please feel free to email me and give me your feed back .

    1. Africa on Reply

      Hey Siena. My name is Africa. I would like to talk to you about what you just wrote. Maybe we can help each other. Lets give it a try.

      Here ia my number for Whatsapp (+27) 63 234 5367

  2. Africa on Reply

    Hey Siena. My name is Africa. I would like to talk to you about what you just wrote. Maybe we can help each other. Lets give it a try.

    Here ia my number for Whatsapp (+27) 63 234 5367

  3. Cassandra Jarrett on Reply

    It can be oddly relatable, this note. She felt there was no fixing, each turn resulted into a dead end, at the very least a less than ideal existence, each turn she could have made had an ending that would in some manner, in some time, put her back into the same mind she was in and would be yet again writing a letter mourning the loss of her hope, realizing yet again that each turn would not lead her to the answer she tried to imagine could be there. Leaving life was like choosing to not prolong the enimant result. If there would be any simple analogy she could of said it’s similar to a dying patient to choose a do not resuscitate route, a choice not to prolong suffering, because once resuscitated, she will wake and still be burdened by the disease which is all more powerful than the human body and mind.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.