A Suicide Note a 15-Year Old Girl Dropped for Her Mother

Stories on Depression: A Suicide Note a 15-Year Old Girl Dropped for Her Mother

Editor’s note: If you experience suicidal thoughts, the following post could be potentially triggering. You can contact Mental Health Uganda at 0778 035 128 or 0701 748 185 or Call your closest friend, family member or search for Rehab centres in Uganda and get yourself admitted.

“Dear Mum,

It’s with a heavy heart that I write you this note, knowing the amount of pain it is going to cause you.

Mum, I want you to know that I love you dearly and will ever love you. If I am given the opportunity to live again I will still choose you as my mum and our family will still be my place of birth.

But unfortunately, I know that there is not going to be any such opportunity.

Mum, I didn’t want to do this, but I was compelled by circumstances beyond my control to take the plunge.

I tried my best to pull through, but my best was not good enough. I battled alone for about thirteen months now until my strength failed me.

You and dad could not decipher what I was going through and maybe I should not blame you for that.

My one and only brother came very close to understanding what I was passing through but it was too much for his young mind to comprehend.

Mum, I know that you and dad loved me and did everything you could to prove that to me but I was not feeling loved.

You provided for me more than I even wanted, took me to places that most of my mates have not even heard of, yet despite all these my heart was longing for love.

I needed someone who would love me for who I was. I needed someone who could reach to the depth of my soul and feel the vacuum there.

The material provisions you spoiled me with could not do that. And I was alone all the while, despite the fact that we laughed together and had gist as a family.

Then came the last straw that broke the camel’s back.

Your brother, Uncle Tony who came to live with us, made me to believe that he knew exactly what my soul was longing for – companionship.

He chose to stay with me when you and dad were too busy to notice my loneliness.

He tried to keep me company when I needed someone to talk to but had only gadgets and teddy bears as my company. I was fooled to trust him and he hacked into my foolishness. And he did it perfectly and deeply.

Mum, your brother raped me and used me as sex toy for three whole years. I expected you or dad to notice but none of you did.

When he left our house last year I was shattered because I have grown to fill the void of your presence with his dirty deeds. I couldn’t complain because I was afraid to lose him, but when he eventually left for Canada the magnitude of the emptiness in me became too heavy for me to carry.

I struggled to forget those experiences but I could not. My grades dropped in school and you and dad quickly arranged for a home lesson teacher.

Mum, that singular act instead of helping me fueled what is about to happen to me a few minutes from now.

The home lesson teacher you brought so much reminded me of Uncle Tony and, on several occasions, I felt like grabbing him and making him to fill the gap that Tony’s absence created in me.

Mum, I had to do this because I was lonely. Did you ever imagine what I was doing in my room all the time I stayed there alone? Couldn’t you for once have gone out of your way to just spend some time with me so that we could talk?

There are many things I would have liked to tell you but I don’t want to add to your pain so let those other torments be buried with this undignified body of mine.

Please make sure that my brother David doesn’t get to the point where I am now.

Also, tell your friends and colleagues who have children to find out what is happening with their beloved kids before it gets too late.

Many of the things parents do in the name of showing love are not what we the younger ones need.

I would have gone, long hours before you will get to read this note.

But one cheering thing is that David is still there with you. Transfer the love you had for me to him.

My bank details and the passwords to my phones and laptops are all in the piece of paper I dropped in the drawer of your dressing table.

I miss you and it pains to empty the content of this bottle in my hand into my mouth but I am constrained to do it all the same.

Tell dad and David that I love them. Tell our pastor that I will miss his sermons and long prayers. Tell my friends not to envy me.

Goodbye Mum.”


That was the suicide note a 15-year old girl dropped for her mother before taking her life as reported by zambianobserver.com.

Suicide is a tragic reaction to stressful life situations and all the more tragic because suicide can be prevented. Whether you’re considering suicide or know someone who feels suicidal, learn suicide warning signs and how to reach out for immediate help and professional treatment. You may save a life, your own or someone else’s.

It may seem like there’s no way to solve your problems and that suicide is the only way to end the pain. But you can take steps to stay safe and start enjoying your life again. Learn more here: https://www.hiretheyouth.org/signs-of-suicide/

For immediate help

If you think you may attempt suicide, get help now:

  • Call 0778 035 128 or 0701 748 185 immediately.

Every Friday, we share and talk about depression among young people! Share your story with us via share@hiretheyouth.org

Depression

60 thoughts on “Stories on Depression: A Suicide Note a 15-Year Old Girl Dropped for Her Mother

  1. Siena alvarez on Reply

    I have had anxiety deporession and my therapist thinks I am by polar but it’s too early to see I have struggles with all of these since the third grade and I am now in the seventh I think about suicide every day. I have gone to multiple therapists I’ve gone to a mental hospital tried different medicines and everything you can think of but I can’t seem to recover I have experienced things nose thirteen year olds haven’t and I just want everything to stop and just go away I feel like I have nothing left and that the world can live without me . I know no one is going to see this and there is no point in writing this but if anyone does see this please feel free to email me and give me your feed back .

    1. Africa on Reply

      Hey Siena. My name is Africa. I would like to talk to you about what you just wrote. Maybe we can help each other. Lets give it a try.

      Here ia my number for Whatsapp (+27) 63 234 5367

      1. Angle :) on Reply

        I feel this so deeply because the thought of me trying this before hurts me that I know and see that this girl accomplished this and its not a good accomplishment and I honestly am sorry for what happen to her and that she sounds very smart the way she wrote it and she could of been someone amazing and she even left a smart and usable message “try to be there for your children and always be in there business even if they don’t want you to be”

      2. Mac on Reply

        God it so hard to live right now it takes much strength to wake up and live through the day . I guess death brings comfort.

    2. anonymous on Reply

      just stay around, imagine college, high school, life and living itself. we all want to experience these things, but want to perish to avoid the pain that might fall into our paths on the way. Pain is awful, and our brains often times jump to conclusions, but, at least let yourself experience the good first. I’m so sorry your path has started out and only offered pain so far. There will be good in your life. This world will offer peace and love. There is so very much you haven’t gotten to enjoy yet. live.

      1. Hiiiii on Reply

        Hi my I have been thinking about suicide for a while and I think I’m just gonna go ahead with it I feel sad but all my pain will be gone soon finally

        1. clueis on Reply

          hey i know this reply is too late but i want to ask you. how are you holding up? maybe we can talk maybe i can change your mind about committing suicide just maybe ok? so please lets talk i will make sure that you will see life as a new one. feel free to email me.

        2. Jules on Reply

          I am so very sorry you have had so much pain in your life and I pray you are feeling better these days. Please reply so I know you are ok. You are loved.

        3. Boris on Reply

          Feeling alone in your life is never good, waking up everyday wishing you never woke is the worst feeling anybody would wish for…………..iv attempted suicide twice, I always got lucky I don’t get why but I don’t want my life no more…..I live in shadows of my past, I live in pain everyday……..asking myself what I did to deserve this life I’m going through that I have to apologise to my young self Everyday that we not gona make it to what we loved and wished for ahead, my momma is asking me not to do it, but I can’t hold the pain, I feel so ready to live my last dying minutes in pain to end my pain…….I don’t care, nothing really matters to me no more
          Life sucks!!!!!
          My cancer cant kill me any faster.

          1. kinsley on

            Hi Boris, I know this reply is very random and late but I had just came across it and would love to know if you’re doing any better? There are people out there who care, trust me.

    3. phoebe on Reply

      Hey, Siena. I know its hard, but today’s clouds is so pretty. Today’s lunch will be sooo good, you’ll have a full stomach and happy mind. today’s night will be cold, but you’ll be wrapped up in your soft blanket, listening to music and feeling so comfortable. And today is a good day because you’re here… Its hard, but please trust me it gets better. You are so strong and you’re doing really well right now. Lets hold on a little longer, yeah? im cheering on you, love. i hope you’ll never get hurt ever again and find your happiness soon. ❤️

      1. Anonymous on Reply

        Sometimes I think it’s in my genes or I’m crazy …I crave death..I crave escape…I’m cursed or crazy or just not good enough…I’ve been suicidal for as long as I can remember and I had planned to kill myself on my birthday this year but my mum just had to spoil my plans and decide to throw me a sweet sixteen party I didn’t ask for I mean what’s special about being 16 when you broken…when you dead inside when everyone who comes into your life just comes to break you even more …I’m the girl with the old soul …the black sheep in my family…never good enough for any friendship or relationship …getting good grades is the only thing I’m abit good at …I mean what’s the point of getting good grades when your only plan for the future is death …I’m broken, lonely and don’t see the whole point of my existence so I totally relate to the writer of this letter

        1. Atasi Nath on Reply

          My name is Atasi. I was 8 year’s old when my father left me amd my mum for someone else. But i knew that i was never alone. She loved me . We both have seen each others ups and dpwns. But we never gave up. She left me when i was 13 years old. I scared. I went into depression. I was scared to share it with anyone. My grades fall my left me. After my boards my dad took me to Kolkata and send me to an hostel. Those were the most hard days of my life. This year i was going to give my boards but my dad made me drop my studies and wanted me to get married to someone. I knew this was wrong i packed my bags and left. Know i stay at a friends place and work as a maid. I don’t want to live my life like this i want to die.

    4. Poola on Reply

      I feel truely sorry you feel this way. I really felt the part of why even post it, not like anyone cares. I myself don’t talk much because utterly what I have to say means nothing and l can only hope that death will bring peace to the burning hole in my heart that makes me feel so insignificant

    5. Tamia on Reply

      i hope uu ain’t end ya life , i love uu sm . even tho ionk uu . please stay wimme , i can help uuu , if uu need smb . i hate to see smb goin through something i went through but i decided to stay . uu have so much ahead of uu , yo parents love uu so much . but if uu did end yo life , may you rest babe .

    6. RIHAB on Reply

      HI IM RIHAB I HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM I CANT REMOVE THE IDEA OF SUICIDE OF MY MIND I DON’T WANNA TO LIVE ANYMORE I STRUGLE WITH THIS SHIT FOR OVER 3 YEARS NO ONE UNDERSTAND ME MY PARENTS . FRIENDS I CAN’T EVEN TALK AND TELL THEM THE PAIN THA I FEEL I UST WANT IT TO STOP I TRY TO GO TO A THERAPIST BUT HE DIIDN’T HELP ME AT ALL HE JUST MAKE IT WORSE I HATE MY SELF MY BODY EVERYTHING I TRY TOS UICIDE 4 TIMES BUT NONE OF THEM IT’S WORK .
      SOMETIMES I THINK THAT MY FAITH IS TO LIVE IN THIS PAIN FOREVER
      I DON’T KNOW IF SOMOENE GONNA READ BUT I REALLY WANT TO EXPRESS MYSELF WITH NO JUDGING

    7. Joshua A Angel on Reply

      You are able to recover, I promise. It might be really hard right now but the only way to go is up, right? The world is made complete by you being here with us. Please don’t give up. Please.

  2. Africa on Reply

    Hey Siena. My name is Africa. I would like to talk to you about what you just wrote. Maybe we can help each other. Lets give it a try.

    Here ia my number for Whatsapp (+27) 63 234 5367

  3. Cassandra Jarrett on Reply

    It can be oddly relatable, this note. She felt there was no fixing, each turn resulted into a dead end, at the very least a less than ideal existence, each turn she could have made had an ending that would in some manner, in some time, put her back into the same mind she was in and would be yet again writing a letter mourning the loss of her hope, realizing yet again that each turn would not lead her to the answer she tried to imagine could be there. Leaving life was like choosing to not prolong the enimant result. If there would be any simple analogy she could of said it’s similar to a dying patient to choose a do not resuscitate route, a choice not to prolong suffering, because once resuscitated, she will wake and still be burdened by the disease which is all more powerful than the human body and mind.

    1. Anonymous 2 on Reply

      HEY I AM “GOD”…..AND ONLY IAM COMMENTING HERE BECAUSE….I NEED TO REMAINED YOU THAT THIS IS TO EARLY FOR YOU TO…MEET ME………….

      BTW I KNOW IAM THE ONLY CAUSE BECAUSE OF WHICH YOU ARE….TAKING THIS STEP…

      BUT I WANT TO YOU TO JUST..JUST..’FOR MY SAKE’…..TALK TO MY…. ASSISTANT….WHO IS DOWN THERE ON EARTH…..BATTLING HIS OWN LIFE CHALLENGES WITH 7.05 billion others….

      ……..
      ……..
      Hey bro/sis I know that I stand no where to say you that i understand your…. situation…..or something like that….in fact I don’t even know what you are going through…..

      But at least…if you have already made your mind for this ….
      Please contact me maybe maybe we can help each other……

      This is my contact….you can email…me..
      gamezz4lifee@gmail.com

    2. bitty on Reply

      I have been wanting to commit suicide too, since high school, because people always told me im ugly. Now that im in college, it got worse. Especially after i failed to graduate at the age of 23, i will be 25 soon, and i just feel like a failure, since highschool i blocked all negativity out by studying hard and getting good grades, but now, i am only busy with my thesis, and even a job does not keep my mind of things. I have been trying different methods for example, sleeping pills and everything but nothing helps. Nobody knows about the anxiety, and void ive been feeling for more than 10 years. I never felt good enough, and my parents or other siblings never knew about this. I just dont want to bother nobody, and stop feeling so numb. Nothing excites me, im afraid of going out and living life, because i always felt ugly, and insecure. Ive been writing suicide letters since forever, i hope i can finally do it right this time

      1. Someone who Cares on Reply

        Please, Please, Please, Please don’t! I am begging you. I may not know what you are going through but I know that there are people who love you. There are people who will be damaged so deeply by your death it may drive them crazy. YOU ARE LOVED. I have a friend who feels the same way and I always tell her that I am here for her and that I am listening and that I love her. Reading that letter that young girl wrote to her mum cut through my heart like a blade. So many people don’t know that God ALWAYS loves us. He has a purpose for your life and what you are going through, talk to Him. I know it may feel like there is no one there but just talk to Him. Your pain will not go away because it will be manifested in your regret. Please don’t take your life. I know it is hard to confess what you are going through to busy people around you, trust me, I KNOW. Just…PLEASE don’t take your life. You may not know me and I may not know you but I know that your life has value and no on can change my mind about that. Not even if you say it doesn’t because it does. Peace is not the absence of trials but what God gives us when we need it most and I am positive that if you just went to him went to His Word, the Holy Bible, you would see that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are beautiful, you are unique, you are not alone, you…ARE LOVED.

      2. Someone who Cares on Reply

        Please, Please, Please, Please don’t! I am begging you. I may not know what you are going through but I know that there are people who love you. There are people who will be damaged so deeply by your death it may drive them crazy. YOU ARE LOVED. I have a friend who feels the same way and I always tell her that I am here for her and that I am listening and that I love her. Reading that letter that young girl wrote to her mum cut through my heart like a blade. So many people don’t know that God ALWAYS loves us. He has a purpose for your life and what you are going through, talk to Him. I know it may feel like there is no one there but just talk to Him. Your pain will not go away because it will be manifested in your regret. Please don’t take your life. I know it is hard to confess what you are going through to busy people around you, trust me, I KNOW. Just…PLEASE don’t take your life. You may not know me and I may not know you but I know that your life has value and no on can change my mind about that. Not even if you say it doesn’t because it does. Peace is not the absence of trials but what God gives us when we need it most and I am positive that if you just went to him went to His Word, the Holy Bible, you would see that you are fearfully and wonderfully made.

  4. Diana Sheryl Lim on Reply

    Hi Siena ,
    Hope you doing fine.
    I’m Diana , and I read your comment . I want to say that I too feel the same and I’m fighting it too. Just know that you’re stronger than you think you are and stay strong ?. I know you can get through this and soon you’ll find yourself with peace in mind and happiness in your heart ❤️ . ??
    I trust in you. God bless.
    Regards and lots of love.
    Diana

  5. Lisa on Reply

    I somehow know that I don’t have depression, but… everytime I sit to think, I can only think that… everyone is better off without me. My life has been perfect till date, so I don’t get to complain however.

  6. Michael Robert on Reply

    Can anyone help me as well, am having the mind of taking my life because nothing is working for me anymore.
    Lost my job, lost everything around me… Gat no were to go to. Can’t feed anymore, don’t have who to emy own, every day I wake up with the thoughts of ending this whole pain once and for all. What is life when you have no body?

  7. Michael Lopez on Reply

    Hi, my name is Mayah and I am constantly thinking about suicide. I’m currently in Year 8 (Seventh grade)
    Well I would be if I don’t end my life this week, it sounds silly really, but I have been battling since 11 years old and my mum and dad doesn’t seem to care, I’ve tried speaking to them on my occasions, however I’m simply shot down.
    I’m tired of feeling like this, like I’m stuck in a state of pain and madness, like I can’t get out of my head, as if I was robot.
    It’s getting harder to get out of bed, I have to basically make myself feel bad so I get out, look presentable and plaster that sickingly sweet smile on my face.
    I’ve tried speaking to my aunts, but my mother has said that, it isn’t their business, why can’t I be like my other siblings, why can’t I be ‘normal’.
    Well I’m sorry, but I’m tremendously tired. Tired of not feeling worth it and tired of being compared.
    I know they love playing it off as a ‘joke’, but some things have been really snarky and just plain terrible.
    My mum says we have no rights, that we belong to her, and if we don’t listen, we get beaten.

    1. Muhammad Idrees on Reply

      Dear Michael Lopez,

      all this is happening to you because you have injury on right hand but you are putting bandage on left hand.

      human is made up of two things. Soul and Body.

      Body is made up on the things which are on earth and its needs are fulfilled from the things which are on earth, like food, clothes, oxygen etc.

      Soul is from skies(heaven or whatever you name it) and its needs can only be fulfilled by the things came from skies, i.e. the religion.

      you problem is related to your soul and you are looking for the solution in the worldly things.

      i recommend for you to read the last book of God, i.e. Quraan. God says in Quraan, “remember that the peace,happiness of heart is in the remembrance of God”. such kind of alot of things you would know if you read this book. start reading it and eventually you will feel the huge change inside you.

      you can reach to me at idrees.Muhammad@hotmail.com for any query.
      Thanks.

    2. Smileoverfrowns on Reply

      Hey for who ever needs this just please hold on for a bit longer I say try and find love bc man I was super depressed and didn’t wanna live but I met the love of my life and she makes me so happy so plzzz hang on our bad days are only little compared to our good days

  8. Layla on Reply

    I’ve been in a extremely dark place for years now. I was raped in middle school and never told my mum about it, she doesn’t care for me much. I got bullied at school and at home. My mum and her boyfriend used to attack me 🙁 Being lonely and not having friends who don’t understand you sucks. I want to commit suicide but I have to live for my younger siblings.

  9. Unknown on Reply

    Hi, from an island that well unknown
    I wanted to say that sometimes you really want to die from all the problems you have and you might think or you just wanted to die cause of problems…well…I always that sometimes you have to fight through it and always think good about yourself.
    If they rape-that means you beauty and easy person to get rape so every women and man that reading my comment, always be the hard looking person in front of the unknown people
    If they give much comfort-you might as well comfort your self with music and always think better about yourself(think about yourself only)
    any problems=positve thoughts and think of how you can escape it.

  10. Smilesoverfrowns on Reply

    Hey for who ever needs this just please hold on for a bit longer I say try and find love bc man I was super depressed and didn’t wanna live but I met the love of my life and she makes me so happy so plzzz hang on our bad days are only little compared to our good days

  11. Colby on Reply

    I feel your pain everyday I wake up I want to kill myself but I know deep down I should kill myself it,s not right just keeping living your life and trying to have fun and when your time to die comes then it’s comes but until then just make the best of your life DONT KILL YOURSELF

  12. To Hazel on Reply

    I hope you don’t blame yourself for something you couldn’t even see.

    I just want you to know that it wasn’t you or anyone I loved, you’ve always been there for me, you’ve loved me unconditionally, you’ve protected me from so many bad things, and I really do love you.

    I hope that you’ll somehow find a way to move on, this is my decision and I don’t want you to think you could have done anything to prevent this.

    I remember when I was little how I thought that you were the best person in the world, how there was nothing you couldn’t do and how one day it would be my turn to look after you.

    I’m so sorry that I won’t have that opportunity, and that I didn’t stuck around long enough to see how this all ends…

    The world is busy dying and so are all the people in it, we all die at different rates, some quicker then others, some can’t wait. So this shouldn’t be such a taboo.

    I wish I had more time to write exectlt how I feel, but I just can’t be bothered right now.

    I’ve been angry for such a long time, and I never knew why, I didn’t know what was causing it, I’ve been so angry for so long that it slowly turned into sorrow and when I’ve felt I could feel any lower it all just stopped.
    And I didn’t feel anything at all.
    I felt like I was walking around and talking and laughing and eating and drinking like a normal person would, but it somehow felt like I wasn’t even there, I felt like I was watching all these things from a third perspective and I wasn’t really in control. Sometimes I wouldn’t feel anything for months and then all of a sudden I’d cry my eyes out for no apparent reason, it’s hard to stop when it happens and I feel like I could just die, but I’d always feel 10% better after that, but I don’t anymore, I just feel like this isbconfermation for me to do what I have to do.

    The only reason I always hesitate is because I’m Christian.

    This letter is to Hazel.

  13. Colby Hobson on Reply

    Oh please comment back Siena please comment back just to tell use your alive just to tell us you didn’t go though with it and I know if your reading this that we would be angry with you because of writing that and not doing it but I promise no one will be upset or mad at you if you if tell us your alive I know everyone here would like to know 5hat your alive ever sense I read that I have been so sad you were going to do that I was crying all night after I read that please just say you are alive everyone that read this would feel so happy if you did please be alive please comment back If not I will be so sad

  14. Angela on Reply

    Hi. Life is hard. If you ever thought it would be easy, someone lied to you. I, also in growing up, considered suicide, but somehow -by the grace of GOD, I always knew that ending it all would be making the situation worse …by far. This was even before I became a Christian. I was so lonely, wondering what what the meaning of life? Why was I born? …until I became a Christian. The fulfillment JESUS CHRIST far exceeds anything I have ever experienced. He saved me and gave me a mandate -to go and make disciples of all nations.
    He did not promise me a life empty of troubles -but HE said that He would be with me in the midst of it all, to the end of the days. HE has kept His promise so far.
    Everyone’s struggles are different. Everyone’s battles are their own. But we can thank God that when Christ comes, He will separate the sheep from the wolves. As Christians, we need to run the race with perseverance. This life is temporary …so when it becomes too hard, remember, one day it will be over ..please do not take-your own life, assuming the problem will be better -it will be much worse if you do. Your life after all, is not your own -how much did you pay, to get that life? Be grateful for it, give thanks to God for it, and cast all your anxiety on JESUS CHRIST. HE died to set you free from bondage. Give HIM your all, and see what wonders HE can do for you.

  15. ??? on Reply

    Darling I know I will never know what you’re going through and I am not not Hazel. But although things may feel out of control things do get better. I’m really young and I don’t know how to put words. But you are important you are loved. The world will be a worse place without you I’m sure and lots of people’s life will be shattered without your presence, your smile just YOU. You may feel angry and sad but if you fight for what you love and fight for YOURSELF slowly but surely you’ll get there. I’m sure there are people in your life who truly care about you and I advise you to go seek help. You cannot do this alone. But I don’t think leaving is the answer. As a fellow christian I believe that God has everything planned for us and everything he does for us is for our own good. God does have a plan for you and he loves you so much he doesn’t want to see you suffer. The future is unknown but its bright. With help you can achieve a happy future. A better life. I just hope its not too late and this gives you hope. I will send my deepest prayers to you and with that I am sending you love and reassurance. Have mercy on yourself angel.

  16. ??? on Reply

    Darling I know I will never know what you’re going through. But although things may feel out of control things do get better. I’m really young and I don’t know how to put words. But you are important you are loved. The world will be a worse place without you I’m sure and lots of people’s life will be shattered without your presence, your smile just YOU. You may feel angry and sad but if you fight for what you love and fight for YOURSELF slowly but surely you’ll get there. I’m sure there are people in your life who truly care about you and I advise you to go seek help. You cannot do this alone. But I don’t think leaving is the answer. I believe that God has everything planned for us and everything he does for us is for our own good. You may feel lost right now but i am sure THINGS DO GET BETTER. God does have a plan for you and he loves you so much he doesn’t want to see you suffer. The future is unknown but its bright. With help you can achieve a happy future. A better life. I just hope its not too late and this gives you hope. I will send my deepest prayers to you and with that I am sending you love and reassurance. Have mercy on yourself angel.

  17. noonethatmatters on Reply

    Lifes to short… also your mostlikely reading this on 11/20/20… probably dead now.. but Lifes to short enjoy it while can

  18. Wendy on Reply

    I think it’s the grace of God that I’m still alive… life after rape is so difficult I’m struggling to love again I’m angry with myself I’ve lost friends because this I can’t stand anyone every nights I’m crying I don’t get my sleep without crying it’s too much I’ve been feeling like this for 7 years It needs to stop the funny part is everyone thinks I’m normal. I really wish to have conversation with God I want him to tell me why he let this happened to me..I love my mom so much but I have to do this I’m tired of suffering tomorrow is the day. Thank you.

  19. Sahil on Reply

    Life is hard Or may be others make hard for us. I dnt know man just dnt wanna live. No one loves you. These assholes don’t even know how to talk to someone really depressing. Shitty life yaar.

  20. Senise on Reply

    I have been fighting my thoughts for almost a year…… this thought comes because of all my stupidness I’ve been making….. so many stupidnesses is from less focus even though the lesson is easy to answer, lazy, forgetting, & many else…… I’m so grateful that everybody from friends into parents has given me some good until the best advice for making me better in any aspects (from humanity lesson until the most difficult lesson in school 🙂 )…. but I’m just disappointing them by making the best mistake again, again, & again……. I feel useless, I feel I better be gone rather than be useless to someone else & making their life miserable because of me….. I don’t want others to hurt because of me….. I’d rather be gone forever if I’m only be a problem….. I don’t mind if I’m not happy if that’s the only thing that makes others happy…… someone success & happiness is already making me happy too.

    I always wanted to be better by myself…. but when I’m doing it alone not by the help of others….. I failed badly…. I always wanted to do that so I cannot request help on others so they cannot get bothered by me…..

    I don’t mind if my fail is great for others, I don’t mind if my silent is actually better for others, I don’t even care if my deaths is actually good for them….. at least I’m not bothering them or they can at least have chances to be better than me……. I have everything that I got…. but I failed to use them…. now others will at least be better than me & make the more impactful good meaning thing into this world….

    ……. So………………………………… yeah………………… : | T_T

    (I don’t know how much time I have been writing this, & sorry for my terrible English. It’s ok if you laughed at my weird thought or maybe my terrible English or maybe stupidness….. I know that maybe you are better than me who are already recovered from this or maybe you are thinking that “this is stupid thought”….. I understand…. & again I’m sorry for my stupidness…. I’m happy if you are already recovering from this & thinking that this is a stupid thought…. it means that you don’t have that stupid think like me…. I’m proud of you…… I’m proud of everyone who have recovered from this terrible stupid thought & everyone who can still can make impactful good thing in this world….. I love you everyone…. sorry my stupidness…. but maybe that is the one thing that should be erased in order to make better society & humanity….. hope you guys can understand others opinion without over emotionally thinking/reply about it, and hope you guys can make less mistake (because human always make a mistake) so you all can make the world better…. <3 )

  21. Mel on Reply

    Ever think you have to much to live for. At 17 I was suicidal with parents in admist of divorce. I was under control of my father who threatened my freedom, threaten me and punish me verbally and then congratulate me and be proud of me to flip the next day. I was confused and frustrated. My mother dealt with this controlling behavior for 30 years and she cracked. She was no longer the mother I knew anymore, I can say I didn’t see her cracking sooner. When we moved out I ended with an abusive father. He provided no emotional support, and was self-centered bringing women home. I was so fed up with behavior I could even leave a dish in sink, I could get up and get a drink of water at night. I was extremely limited.

    He moved me into assistant living. he gave me an ultimatum ” live with me and do with this abuse or move on to your own home and accomplish your dreams” they’re my father did the worst thing he can do for any daughter he gave them up for a low income trap. I have been in assistance for 5 years and anything I wanted to pursue such as college or even cosmetology was deemed too dangerous or unachievable for me. I know this is my father controlling me and his willingness to control me is overbearing because he is broke and cross all my boundaries.
    For five years I have thought about suicide, for five years all I wanted was some emotional support and some faith in what I am capable of doing. Within five years you would never know who you meet and so I met a man and he’s the love of my life.

    You have so much to live for you really don’t know in your passing years because you’re too busy focusing on the present when it should be in thought of a bright future. It’s understandable that you can lose your thought and their process of seeing a future when you’re stuck in a miserable present.

    I like to remind those who are suffering that you do have power and control over your life. If you are being sexually abused please take a stand and call the authorities, please speak to someone that you trust that will tell some one like the authorities.

    I’m still in contact with my father and yes he’s just as me immensely annoying every single day calling me but every aimlessly little thing. But only recently I started using him for my benefit. YES he still wants to control me while this man isn’t f****** Florida. I begin to distance myself and I don’t speak to him as often as he wants me to.

    If your being bullied I suggest you fight back I wouldnt stick there and take abuse you will have rights as a human being and no one has right to mistreat you or lower you to be more miserable to the point of suicide. I found out the everyday is a fighting chance to get stronger in to pursue better things whether it takes time or a long time it will happen for you. If your bully is physically harming you I would physically harm them in return I’ve always thought you get what you deserve for you get what you dish out in this world and if it’s assault towards another person like physical assault that I would hit them to.

    If you are suffering from no emotional support which everyone needs in this world and I can totally understand. People who suffer from the lack of social and emotional support lessen their self worth and have little boundaries towards people. What makes you confident everyday what makes you feel good if you start boosting your self-esteem everyday the better you get for yourself even if it’s putting on makeup or is playing ball with your dog. The little things in life are Your Precious Moments to hold onto.

    I think back everyday what are the biggest achievement I made in writing down your achievements is a great idea for boosting your confidence will honestly in 5 years in assistance living living off of little money to nothing and starving day-to-day I really haven’t accomplished anything for 5 years. It makes it extremely hard to trust others but when you do find the right people and I am saying that any red flag for someone that strikes you the wrong way if someone you don’t need in your life. When I found the love of my life he had more faith in me than anything and he gave me chances and opportunity when I had nothing to offer in return.

    Just because you didn’t have the best upbringing does it mean you won’t have the better future. It doesn’t take anyone to do it for you it takes yourself

    Till this day I’m so fearful to take this opportunity that my significant other has provided me but with encouragement and love I know I can make it through

  22. me on Reply

    Life is too meaningless, well at least to me now. what’s the point of living? The longer you do, the closer you are to death anyway. The only game you can be sure you will lose soon or later. how sweet to fast-forward. ‘no daniel be patient’ we all know how it ends. why would i watch a movie twice thrice a million times and still think it will end a different way

  23. NV. on Reply

    TO THE MOST RESPECTED AND BEAUTIFUL INDIVIDUAL WHO BY THE WILL OF A POWER WAS ORDERED TO READ MY COMMENT. I am writing this to YOU with all my good intentions not knowing who you are and where are you from, I am writing this to you who might be planning suicide for whatever reason. I am a 22 years old gay man from Hungary. I come from a family where my mother was constantly drinking, my father was always working abroad and I grew up being surrounded by toxic friendships and cynical behavior that later seemed to define my attachment towards relationships with people of my age. I eventually became codependent whose signs I have never noticed except of having all the HUGE burden that came along with it represented by constant depression and anxiety for the repressed emotions that have accumulated within me for several years. It was more than a year ago that while I was deeply below myself keeping suicidal ideations nobody have noticed the depression I was fighting with which was triggered by a seemingly insignificant affair with a partner who was a very rigorous narcissistic manipulator, and the feelings were further fueled by a boyfriend who was also totally codependent by whom despite I felt being cared of I did not receive the emotional supply I needed as a young gay man plus there was a total confusion regarding my sexuality which resulted a total chaos leaving me without hopes for the future at that time. It sounds rather silly but constantly being invalidated and having no real friends those times were terrible to live through. Though I thought I was an emotional wreck and that there was no hope, by intuition I felt that my healing was coming and IT HAPPENED GRADUALLY BY GETTING SUBMERGED INTO RANDOM PSYCHOLOGY ARTICLES through which I have realized my codependency and lack of personal boundaries that let all the negative energy into my life and the trust in bad people who I was waiting for gratification from and wished they will notice their behavior and the suffering they caused and eventually change. BAD PEOPLE WITH BAD INTENTIONS NEVER CHANGE UNLESS A TRAUMA BREAKS THEM (which is not your job to do anything with dear reader if you are considering. If there is God, He will do the stuff.) I did not notice how much I tried to respect everybody in my life no matter who they were while some by enjoyment were questioning my values regarding love, faith, sexuality, human behavior and everything. When I knew what was the problem I started to change my attitude to react less emotionally to offensive behavior, set up boundaries and at the same time started working out in the school gym which somehow together helped me to gradually grow a sense of being a man which surprisingly resulted me making suddenly a lot of friends who still to this day respect me and care for my values and I care for them without being such a nice but weak man others have previously made fun and use of. It is another story that both of my parents had suicidal ideations and my mother and father have almost killed themselves when they were both young and my cousin and uncle too. Thankfully all of them are on good paths of life. Now I live in a dorm with perfect harmony with myself and the people I surround myself with and experiencing these precious moments in my life I want to express my deepest solidarity with those who have previously or are currently being the victim of a vicious cycle of suicidal thoughts whether they come from personality issues like in my case or anything else… THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE AND YOU HAVE NO REASON TO END YOUR LIFE NO MATTER THE UNDERLYING ISSUE. If you are in a toxic family or relationship, then reflect on the people around you about their toxic behavior, win the game and then leave without a second thought. If you have no friends, be a tough guy, start working out and grow confidence. If you are being bullied in school, set boundaries and tell people to respect you as you respect them and tell about the possible consequences. Do not make threats and negative emotional reactions. Emotions are all vulnerabilities and psychopaths can play with them because they do not have any. Be mindful, listen to your intuition and trust in God. THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE FOR EVERYBODY, DO NOT ATTEMPT SUICIDE FOR ANY REASON. I wish you the best with all my heart no matter who you are. We all have gone through this, with some people experiencing more pain and some less. Best Wishes, NV.

  24. Tessa on Reply

    Suicidal thoughts been doing rounds in my head for the past 2 months, but I can’t bring myself to act on them because even though my brain says: let’s end this pain right now. My heart cries: Mom will cry and that somehow jolts me back to living through this pain while praying and hoping, that soon it’ll get better.. If ever anyone needs to talk, about absolutely anything even if you think it’s silly or stupid or of no importance, please contact my WhatsApp number anytime:
    (+27)74 752 1609

  25. Joy on Reply

    Can it get any better with being lonely and empty with no one around. Graduated from high school school at the age of 16 and I’m still at home at home at 21 even my mother and brother tells me I’m useless. I fell like an unwanted visitor in my own house most times I wish I could just get hit walking on the road, at times I feel falling off the bridge is the best option and other times like tonight, bleeding myself to death would be good besides no one cares if I’m alive or not

  26. Rish on Reply

    hey everyone!!!! I hope you all are doing great. Ummm… I’m also just doing okay but it’s getting harder day by day. My family never supports me and everytime reminds me that I’m a girl. I’m not allowed to talk to my friends, I’m not allowed to cry even when I want to. They are just too good in showing off that they enrolled me in the biggest school of my country without my consent and now they treat me like I’m eating their money. Everyone knows that this is the time of pandemic where we have to take online classes and my school is too strict towards it and also this year is going to be my boards so the school is taking extra classes also and my family think that I’m wasting my time and their money in online classes. My grades never went down below 90% but now that I’m growing up my grades are falling down like anything and then my mum & dad asks me WHY IS IT SO??????? I really wanted to recite my story to someone but nevertheless I had no one. I also know that there is no use of this but still I wanted to post it. I’m really going through a lot despite of my age. Well I’m trying really hard to hold it in but don’t think I can hold it anymore……. STAY HEALTHY EVERYONE.

  27. Janine on Reply

    I’ve been going to a therapist for a while now and he is awesome in helping me feel more positive about myself and life. I feel and see the difference but I still feel like dying. I have been cutting on and off for about 10 years but suffering severe depression since a very young age. Recently I started strangling myself to see if I am able to take the step to heaven without feeling guilty. My whole life was one obstacle after another. At an early age, I doubted with friends being sexually curious and doing stuff to me, bullying in all my school years, and sexual assault from a coworker, and being blamed for all that happened. I can smile and laugh almost every day but deep down I am planning out my day. Maybe my therapist is able to work a miracle on me.

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