Stories on Depression: My Struggle with Suicidal Thoughts
“People don’t die of suicide, the pain keeps piling day by day, bitterness and unworthiness fills our hearts, agony is all we have left and getting rid of that sadness is quite the best option.”
For me, September is the month where the fears of the past keep haunting me however much I loathe to recall nor talk about it because many have judged and termed me a disgrace.
This time around, I won’t keep running, I’ll stand strong and face my past because being strong is all I have left. Many people have judged and insulted me, at some point, I wished I had died through any of those eight suicide attempts.
Many times, I pause for a while and feel lifeless, this monster (suicidal thoughts) never dies until it takes what it owns. I have spent eight months in agony and restructuring my bitter self.
Most people live a life of lies, all in a life of deception because we want the public to perceive us as strong and happy within our lanes, so in hiding, we keep on admiring the lives of those living free.
If you had a day in another person’s shoes, you would actually realise we are simply human, some are simply stronger beings who manage to face their fears and confront that pain without hesitation. You are one!
We all have our burdens to carry and we should never give up, many give up not because they are weak but because they are just stuck, can’t breathe and are fed up of that weight around them.
We shouldn’t judge people by their awful experiences but rather think deeper, support and help them. Suicide rapidly grows if it’s coupled with intense self-blame, anxiety, depression, loneliness, agony and insomnia.
Being alone doesn’t mean you have to feel lonely. And feeling lonely doesn’t mean that you have to feel that way indefinitely. All emotions pass, depending on what you’re thinking and what you’re doing. It’s up to you.
I dedicate this month to fellow survivors of suicide and those still fighting the hard battle. Never give up!