Stories on Depression: I Almost Got Addicted to Drugs due to Depression
When you speak of living with depression, on my side, it’s been a process of finding a way of coping and using for as long as it works, and when it doesn’t, finding the next way to cope.
To be honest, I would like to sell you a story about how I ran to Jesus and he sorted everything out but that’s not the case.
I have always dealt with depression and continue to. But I am also telling the stories of my friends. Some of whom may have been brave enough to speak out to me, and at times after those intense conversations, the inspiration comes to you.
When I was younger, I kept telling myself that I would grow old and forget the tragedies that cause my on and off depression episodes. Over time, that didn’t seem to be working for me.
I shifted my energy and time into novels and plays, well long enough until even that stopped working. I obviously did try the path of seeking God, but even then I felt empty and suffered from lengthy depressive episodes.
Then I went on to discover music, mostly Radio & Weasel or urban Hip-Hop and that too lasted a short while. I tried taking up so many school things such that I was too busy to be lonely or down, but yet again my depression pierced through that. It even got to the point that I had to rely on marijuana, hard-liquor and parties to try and cope BUT! Still didn’t last long enough.
My friends spoke to counsellors and that really helped. I don’t think I would talk to a counsellor because these are things I don’t like to talk about. When I am really down I prefer to just run away and be with myself. And the fact that the therapist or counsellor is not allowed to talk about their life as well is bad enough.
I don’t think I am comfortable speaking to a stranger about all this. I guess people may say I am ignorant or stupid. But when you are in that state, speaking out or being around people is very difficult and to do the same to therapists who probably have never dealt with all this is even harder. So I don’t see myself in a counselling session any time soon.
Depression is not a condition one has when they can’t find the right Snapchat filter or are too broke to afford tickets for a big show. Depression is really a disease. And it is a condition that can create other bigger conditions; addictions, self-mutilation and so on.
If you lose a parent and you are down for 3 months and then get better, it’s not depression. But if 6 months later it’s worse and worse, it probably is depression. Depression is like slipping on a wet floor and falling, except instead of hitting the floor in seconds, the fall lasts 5 months.
It’s like if you were set on fire using fuel, except the fire is inside your body not outside and it is never dying out. You just feel so overwhelmed by emotional pain that you can’t seem to stop. That’s why people just choose to end their life. As a student community, we need to be more deliberate about being supportive and understanding the plight of people with depression. We need to actively get involved in helping them, whatever that takes.
To everyone that is dealing with depression, I don’t know what to tell you. But I will probably share with you something that rapper Kendrick Lamar once said;
“Pick yourself up, life is more than suicide.”
I am happy to help you through these down phases, and I hope eventually it all gets easier.
By Begumya Rushongoza